I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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