my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They have beer where we have blood.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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