Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
