I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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