4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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