I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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