i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
