The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
