You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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