A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
