A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
4 words: hood of his car
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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