Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
