I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
