cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
