how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
