I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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