I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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