Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
