I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
