So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
