So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
