So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
