i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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