it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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