Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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