it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
