There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
