Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
