i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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