please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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