Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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