she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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