He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The Olympian is in my bed
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We need to feng shui this bitch.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
