Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
