try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
