my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
