So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
