Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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