Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
