Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
