I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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