If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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