yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
