I CAN MOONWALK!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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