You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
