she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
