She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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