I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
