I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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