I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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