covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
