your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
