Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
