apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
