Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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