nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
