Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
