You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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