For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
