Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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