I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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