Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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