Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
