those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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