I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
