Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
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I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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