i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
