So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
